Have I mentioned my disdain for the whole “two steps forward and three steps back” thing?
Well I do. I was feeling pretty good last week and last weekend just hit me like a ton of bricks. My son is almost 14 now. He acts like it too. Gone is the sweet baby boy who adores his Mom. Of course he still loves me, but I am not as cool to him as I once was. He is testing waters/me. It stinks to be the parent that has to always be the bad guy. He wanted to “hang out” with his buddies the other day. Well that led to him walking a lot, which = me in a panic. His buddies are nice and all, but I wouldn’t call them the sharpest knives in the drawer. I had visions of him lying lifeless and them stepping over him and moving on (I know this is crazy btw). Whenever someone asks “When can you start to trust them and know its okay for them to hang with friends?” nobody ever thinks of the parent sitting at home filled with worry. I know what I have to do and what I want to do. Sometimes, it is hard to do “the right thing” and sometimes it hurts. I get stuck in the “what if’s” and I shouldn’t. We could “what if” until the cows come home. Is that going to be productive for me? No it isn’t. I need to find that middle ground. These are the times I wish my guardian angel could swoop in and tell me stuff (even if it is just to relax). So, I will continue to find that middle ground and try to not drive myself insane with worry.